Southwestern Union Record

I looked into the microscope at a slide from a muscle biopsy of my four-year-old son. The doctor described all the black dots as destroyed muscle fibers. This confirmed the diagnosis of a serious muscle-degenerating disease. We didn’t know what the future would hold, but I knew our life would be vastly different and perhaps very difficult at times.    

My son quit walking at nine and at 23 was fully dependent on a ventilator to do his breathing, and now all functions of daily living must be done for him. However, we have been blessed beyond words. The biggest blessing has been the support and love of our church family. 

Through the sensitivity of our church, he has been able to serve as an elder, participate as a church board member, preach on a regular basis, and be involved in numerous ministries. He has never felt excluded or shunned in spite of the difficulties of his mobility and communication. There have been interested folks along the way who have sought to accommodate his needs. For example, they've made reserved seating available just for him, since his large wheelchair is not easy to move and can really get in the way. Other ways people have worked to make him feel welcome are making sure the bathroom is accessible, providing parking, or opening doors.

Individuals who take the time to get to know him have been the biggest blessing of all. Breathing by use of a mouthpiece makes it difficult to talk or to turn his head to greet people. With thoughtful consideration, many have sat down at his level and talked to him as their equal. 

Many people are instinctively aware of how to interact with disabled folks. Others, however, are uncomfortable and don’t know how to approach a person in a wheelchair. Perhaps the disabled person cannot communicate easily and you don’t know what to expect. It is easy to ignore a person who seems different, especially if you don’t know what to say. 

A few years ago my son gave a presentation at a local high school with tips on better interaction with persons who are disabled. The following is an excerpt from this talk discussing principles of relating to the disabled as applied to church and school:

"I would like to discuss several key principles for how we should relate to those who have a disability. The first principle is inclusivity. Make every effort to include disabled individuals in different activities. Sometimes we might assume that because they cannot fully participate, they are not necessarily interested in that activity. 

"Don't underestimate the ability of a disabled person. People may assume that a disabled person cannot do certain things, or be successful or productive. Through determination, many disabled people have done things that no one could have imagined they were capable of doing. I didn't think I could be a public speaker.  I've always been terrified of such a thing, but for some reason I keep finding myself doing that very thing. Never discourage a disabled person or suggest that they cannot do something. Always encourage them to aim higher.

"Recognize a disabled individual as a person. Do not ignore them or consider yourself too good to interact with them. Also, do not ignore their disability or be afraid to ask them how they became disabled. Understanding the nature of a person's disability helps you to understand who they are and shows them that you are interested in them. At the same time do not totally dwell on their disability. Disabled people do not spend every waking moment thinking about their disability. They have a real life with real-life issues. Get to know them as a real person.

"Always be willing to help a disabled person.  And if you do get in the habit of helping someone, never become impatient or resentful. Sometimes people may get impatient because they get the impression that a disabled person is taking advantage of them. Another important point to consider is that a disabled person might sometimes feel guilty for requiring so much assistance. If you truly enjoy helping someone, reassure them that you don't mind all the trouble and work that it takes. One tip though, is to always ask a disabled person first if they need help. For example, if you see someone moving their own wheelchair, don't automatically start pushing it for them. 

"Look out for the rights and safety of a disabled person. If you see someone mistreating a disabled person, do not hesitate to help him or her. I remember one occasion in the eighth grade when I truly needed someone to intervene. I was in a study hall, but most students were sitting around playing board games. One student came up with the great idea of taping my mouth shut. He decided that wasn't good enough, though, so he also taped my arms to the armrests of my chair.  During that particular class period, we had a substitute teacher who was playing checkers with another student in the same room. He was completely oblivious to what was happening. This story may sound funny, but it was very frightening to me. If you know a disabled person, look out for them, and make sure no one takes advantage of them.

"The last thing I want to emphasize is that of being courteous and respectful. This principle can apply to many different aspects of how you treat a disabled person. For individuals who use a wheelchair, you need to respect their personal space by not leaning on their chair or using it as a footrest. Many people who use a wheelchair are able to feel it when someone slightly touches or bumps their chair. Another courtesy is when you are talking to a person in a wheelchair try to get at their eye level instead of towering over them.  However, you also need to respect their personal space by not getting right in their face.

"The most important thing is to just use common sense when you interact with people with disabilities. These people think and feel just like you do.  Treat a disabled person the way you would want to be treated." — Douglas Mehling, in an address to high school students on interacting with people with disabilities.